ONN: Non-Racist Man Almost Assassinates Obama

From Today Now!:

"Ultimately to allay all suspicions of racism, Croft decided to shoot the president with a cross bow with a list of black historical figures taped to the arrow. But the FBI apprehended Croft while he was parked in a car outside the White House listening to Sly and the Family Stone."

Man Attempts To Assassinate Obama, 'But Not Because He's Black Or Anything'

SOUTH PARK: Facebook

Get ready for a Facebook-themed episode of South Park this week.

Karl Rove Wants You to Fill Out Your Census

If it takes a video from Karl Rove to get you over the fence to fill out your 2010 Census form, I'd just assume not count you.

Obama's First Pitch FAIL

Obama's been riding his post-health care reform high for the last couple of weeks. But he was brought down to earth today when he threw out the first pitch at the Washington Nationals game, presumably to the mascot standing way behind the catcher. It also didn't help his standing with the Nats fans that he was wearing a White Sox cap.

Preview: 'Sarah Palin's Alaska'

This combo of Sarah Palin reading the "Going Rogue" audio book and some archival black and white footage of Alaska isn't really a preview of Palin's new Discovery series. But I assume it will be something like this.

5-Year-Old Gives Pep Talk to Red Sox

This explains the Red Sox victory over the Yankees last night.

GMA: Michael Steele is Not Going Anywhere

Despite being called a liability by everyone in his own party, RNC Chairman Michael Steele will not step down. Stay tuned for more hilarity!